A Cool Billion

I recently fell into a billion dollars.

Of course I haven’t gotten it yet.  There are still a couple of hoops to jump through.  I expect I will need to do some paperwork and there will probably be a small ceremony.  That and I need to correctly pick the outcome of sixty-three basketball games, but that part should be pretty easy.

I was on a car trip from Phoenix back to the Bay Area yesterday, so I had a lot of time to think about what I was going to do with the money.  A billion dollars has the potential of changing a person, and I don’t really want that.  I don’t want to be the kind of guy who feels like he needs a bigger house, or lots of fancy cars, or a boat, or a jetpack just because I’ve gotten a few extra bucks.  I imagine it has the potential to affect your relationships as well…people expecting me to pick up the tab when we go to In-N-Out…that sort of thing.  Then of course I expect to be bombarded by requests from total strangers seeking help, or the mafia making "propositions."  It’s all too much.

So, I know you will think I’m crazy, but I’ve decided to give it all away.

OK, most of it.  I'll probably set up a trust fund for the girls.   Of course, it would be irresponsible of me to ignore any future children of theirs, so I’d better set one up for potential grandkids as well.  Maybe I’ll set some aside for our retirement.  I should buy my dad something nice.  He could probably use a decent car.  Still, even if I save just one percent of it for me and my family, I’ll have a lot left over to play with.

I know that Jenny will want to tithe on it…that is, give ten percent to the church.  I wonder how Pastor Craig will feel when he gets the check for one-hundred million dollars in the offering plate. The church's parking lot should be redone, but beyond that I think the bulk of it should go to helping the homeless, supporting the local schools, things like that.  Pastor Craig is the kind of guy you can trust to do the right thing with a hundred million.  I just hope they don’t decide they need a new building.  I certainly don’t want them to name anything after me.  Maybe I’d better give it anonymously, in small bills. 

While I’m throwing around a hundred million, I might as well give the same amount to some of my favorite charities. World Vision does good work with the poor around the globe.  One dollar feeds one child for one day, so I could feed a hundred million children for a day, or a million children for a hundred days, or one child for a hundred million days.

Eden Reforestation plants trees at a cost of only ten cents per tree.  The guys who founded it had a goal to plant a million trees in their lifetime, but ten years after Eden’s inception they have reached sixty-million and counting. Their organization fights poverty, slavery, and global warming all at once.  One hundred million dollars will plant a billion trees.  I hope there will be room left on the planet for people.

By the way, just because I’m laying out a hundred mil on these charities doesn’t mean you can now stop supporting them.  Even poor folk like you can still have a great impact.  Remember the widow’s mite.

I still have a lot of money left.  Maybe I’ll buy the Youth Theatre Company a new theater.  State of the art.  Green technology.  I imagine ten million would be plenty.  I don’t want them to name it after me or anything.  Perhaps a small plaque, but that's all.

Maybe I’ll buy a youth camp…fix it up real nice.  What would a camp cost?  Fifteen million?  Twenty?  Chump change.  I could hire my friends Steve and Karen to run it.  I wouldn’t name it after me or anything, but I could have them set aside a cabin for me and my family.  We’d pay to use it of course.  It’s not like cash would be a problem. 

But now I’m starting to worry.  Is ten million for my family too much?  I don’t want this money to change us.

As we motored up I-5 through California’s Central Valley, I laid out my plans to Jenny.  She was quiet for a moment.

Then she said, “Tell me again why we don’t need a bigger house.”

See what I mean?